the hill

suddenly everything becomes much clearer around me. all bad feelings dissipate and only the good remains. the world is a happy brighter place and it's so nice to be here. the beat of the music resounds in my heart and my legs and arms carry me soaring all over the room to dance rhythmically along. Oh what joy I possess in my being and every feels so nice and everyone is so nice. freedom is around the corner and i am right on the edge. i close my eyes and see it all unfold the way that it should. happy lucky free me.

survival

sometimes i feel more connected to the person singing through my speakers than i do with the people i see and talk to everyday. how did i get this way? and is it supposed to be like this? to care more about disappointing the one you don't know than the ones you do. they'll never know your life, but you have a drive to be true to the words and the feelings and the meaning. a desire to be there for them like they've been there for you and if they ever happened to know you, to be able to say yes it was you who did the good and right thing that kept me sane and okay through all of the hurt and joyful through all of the happiness.

one, two, three, and shoo!

i'm gonna cut my hair real short.
gonna get my body real thin.
gonna not believe in you.
gonna believe in me again.

cause all this hair needs to go.
and all this fat needs to go.
and all these memories need to go.
and all this doubt needs to go.

they'll all get sucked into a black hole where everything else i don't like about myself disappears. vaporized into the darkness never to be seen again.

at least not until your return.