the tradition of lies

you think you know what's best for me,
but do you even know who i am?

you think you know what's wrong with me,
but have you ever even asked?

you think you know how to fix me.

you are clueless.

the void

Life is a bleak, black hole of a place.

Dreamers are oppressed by those who see nothing when they close their eyes.

I am punished for being principled, the corrupt are easily rewarded; the rest of society are robots who do not think for themselves but instead rely on their programming to make it through. There can be no second guessing, no after thoughts; once there are you will immediately be sucked into the hole, your matter disintegrating bit by bit. Blown away into dust. There will be nothing left, not trace of who you once were and who you could have been.

There will no thing - bleak, black, hole.

the unknown

i'll search all day and i'll wander the fields for my love.
i'll look through the streets and go around the block for my love.
i'll swim across the ocean and float down the river for my love.
i'll dig up the graves and plant a new garden for my love.

i'll sing out to the winter and chill my bones for my love;
when will you be coming home, my love?

the moment

Make sure you do it for the love and not the hate.

the hot tea

and i just remembered, that to you, i will always be fragile.

the basement

i am not like you. i don't want to be drunk forever. i don't think hooking up is cool. i don't like dancing with strangers, and i don't like this incessant music that promotes all of these things.

yes i drink. yes i get drunk. yes i do stupid things. but i don't think these stupid things are cool or good for me. that's why i stay in the day after. that's why i put my phone on silent and don't try to find out where the party is at.

i love you and who you are. i just hope that you feel the same way i do sooner rather than later. and i hope you don't start to hate yourself in the process.

the game

you forget and you start again, but it doesn't feel the same. then he walks away and you are left alone; you never forgot that part and it will always feel the same.

the violet

keep on seeing in color. keep on blurring the lines. keep on talking to yourself in the mirror. keep on pretending you're fine.

the mess

walk around in filth. sleep in the dirt. stop caring for yourself. stop caring for everyone else. just stop.

maybe in the stillness, you will find the meaning of going on.

the weather or not

This is life, but you shouldn't "just live it". Gray skies come and gray skies go. Make the most of every cloud, raindrop, gust of wind, puddle, and the sunshine on your skin.

the lost

You dug yourself a hole and you jumped right in. You're so far away that no one will reach you in time. The earth is slowly burying you alive, and it still doesn't make a difference.

the flame

you and I we're burning up
it seems like an illusion
but for me, it's real enough
this tree is falling
you and I we'll hear the sound

everyone else will know when they see it

the mattress

Let me lay down next to your shadow. The sun is high but all I want to do is sleep.

the cloud

Some people search for new reasons to stay angry. I'm looking for a reason to be happy. At the end of the day, we're not all the same. At the end of the day, there is a vast difference between us that everyone wants to shun and hush away. This is not okay.

the unnatural disaster

some things can be salvaged. most will be thrown away. separate the bits and pieces so you can start on a new complete.

late nights, early mornings

what am i doing here
3am and waiting in silk and lace
clamoring for attention from you.
well i don't even have to ask for you to return,
i don't need to scream your name or even whisper,
you're already there.
i am missing your bed - you're missing me in your bed.
raising my sleepy head to meet your warm cheeks
and silence your coughs with butterfly kisses
like so many times before.
soft skin embrace and then chocolate chip pancakes.
i'd be content to wake up by your side,
to wait months to see your face,
to hear your baritone say goodnight from a satellite phone call.

here i am, watching myself fall into your trap again.
i'm willing but i shouldn't be. it will kill me
again.

m.d.(3)

i already have a mate to my soul - i already have
a rock to my roll.
i'm just waiting.
i'm just waiting.
yeah just waiting.
waiting.
impatiently.

11.46 // 09.28

i do the dishes before bed.
it's nice to wake up to an empty sink,
a fresh new beginning, a shower and a
blow dry - which for men is the equivalent to
a shower and a shave.
free to start anew when the sun rises.
clean sink, clean body, clear head.

9.45 9.18

now i stay dirty,
won't try to get clean.
it's what i deserve
if you know what i mean.

treat me like butter,
spread me too thin.
melting in sunlight,
smiles aren't for me.

7.16 9.15

you were the face that i had seen,
a sudden look in a midnight dream.
a whispered word in the darkest hour,
steal my heart.

no no no
oh no
you got my soul.

m.d.(2)

if i knew something that would make me feel better,
i would run to it.
i would run as fast as i could, for as long as i could.
i would let my body ache with fatigue and let my calves cramp to get to it.

but i can't run to you.
not anymore.
what happened?
why do all things fall apart at the exact same moment?

mirror(2)

i am finally lost.
but i have not gotten lost somewhere nice.
i am lost in my own home.
surrounded by strangers.
you can pretend to know me
but you don't.

i did not get what i wanted.
but maybe this is what i asked for.

mirror(1)

i don't feel fresh.
i don't feel new.
i feel dirty.
i feel used.

never to be good again.
no tabula rasa for me.
just a damaged heart and a broken body.

in a strange land

i dreamt of you. it started so good.
but then, you became a stranger.
your face wasn't the same.
you did things, not even to me, to other strangers as well.
what people have we become?

c.p.(2)

thank you for writing that. some tears finally came, a few but at least i know i'm not completely numb to the pain.

i am scared.
i am so scared.
what do i do? where do i go?

how can i live? it's hard enough to breathe.

i try to dream. they all turn to nightmares.

m.d.(1)

empty empty empty
me.
fill me complete me
make me whole again, my darling.
cause now i am empty again.

please.

new

i just wanna take you and shake you and say "IT'S YOU IT'S YOU IT'S YOU";
cause it is.
i am so happy and doing all the things i wanted but never got around to.
i feel like a fool, but
it's you.

c.p.(1)

this one is for you. you inspired me. thank you for sharing with me. thank you for your love, my love.