11.46 // 09.28

i do the dishes before bed.
it's nice to wake up to an empty sink,
a fresh new beginning, a shower and a
blow dry - which for men is the equivalent to
a shower and a shave.
free to start anew when the sun rises.
clean sink, clean body, clear head.

9.45 9.18

now i stay dirty,
won't try to get clean.
it's what i deserve
if you know what i mean.

treat me like butter,
spread me too thin.
melting in sunlight,
smiles aren't for me.

7.16 9.15

you were the face that i had seen,
a sudden look in a midnight dream.
a whispered word in the darkest hour,
steal my heart.

no no no
oh no
you got my soul.

m.d.(2)

if i knew something that would make me feel better,
i would run to it.
i would run as fast as i could, for as long as i could.
i would let my body ache with fatigue and let my calves cramp to get to it.

but i can't run to you.
not anymore.
what happened?
why do all things fall apart at the exact same moment?

mirror(2)

i am finally lost.
but i have not gotten lost somewhere nice.
i am lost in my own home.
surrounded by strangers.
you can pretend to know me
but you don't.

i did not get what i wanted.
but maybe this is what i asked for.

mirror(1)

i don't feel fresh.
i don't feel new.
i feel dirty.
i feel used.

never to be good again.
no tabula rasa for me.
just a damaged heart and a broken body.

in a strange land

i dreamt of you. it started so good.
but then, you became a stranger.
your face wasn't the same.
you did things, not even to me, to other strangers as well.
what people have we become?

c.p.(2)

thank you for writing that. some tears finally came, a few but at least i know i'm not completely numb to the pain.

i am scared.
i am so scared.
what do i do? where do i go?

how can i live? it's hard enough to breathe.

i try to dream. they all turn to nightmares.

m.d.(1)

empty empty empty
me.
fill me complete me
make me whole again, my darling.
cause now i am empty again.

please.

new

i just wanna take you and shake you and say "IT'S YOU IT'S YOU IT'S YOU";
cause it is.
i am so happy and doing all the things i wanted but never got around to.
i feel like a fool, but
it's you.

c.p.(1)

this one is for you. you inspired me. thank you for sharing with me. thank you for your love, my love.